I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
