Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
