I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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