Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I am midnight drunk by noon
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
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did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
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Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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