great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
