hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
