I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
