My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
