i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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