***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
