i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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