I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
