Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Randomize
