there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
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