I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
