Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
