He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
