i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
