Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
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At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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