Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
