She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
