i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
