you guys were way drunker than both of me
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
