We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
