I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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