She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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