im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
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