Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
