Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
