Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
