Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
