On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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