I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize