Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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