Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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