no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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