you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
