no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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