I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize