she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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