i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
