Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
