Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
