i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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