I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
