So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
