Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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