ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
