By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
