You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
This is my gift to your gina
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
