dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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