There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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