I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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