THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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