im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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