u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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