mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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