a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
