remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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