i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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