Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
