I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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