Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
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I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
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The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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