she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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