using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
