Duck Duck Cougar?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
