What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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